u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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