Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize