im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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