i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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