There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm like, not good at living.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize