I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize