Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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