Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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