Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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