she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
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