fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize