How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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