it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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