Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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