Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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