I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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