And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize