You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
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Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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