listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize