My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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