I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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