you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize