please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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