The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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