Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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