Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize