Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
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I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
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We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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