I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
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She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
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I pour the whiskey from now on
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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