they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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