it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
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he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
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i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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