I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize