I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize