so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
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Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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