I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
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I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
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don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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