My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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