hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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