i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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