i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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