You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
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Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
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Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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