By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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