so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
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My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
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The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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