I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
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i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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