and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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