Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
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He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
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I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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