dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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