I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize