the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
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Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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