I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
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He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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