How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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