chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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